Tuesday

I accidentally stayed the night with him last night - it was a total accident I passed out on the couch I was so tired - he moved me to the bed at some point but I don't really remember - I know I slept in all my clothes - I woke up when he got home from court - he asked for a continuance meaning he doesn't say he is guilty or not till later - he has to get a lawyer

He told me that we have to say we don't know what happened & how we got physical ... I know I was totally out of line & in his face but why would I even think of touching him - he says he was "restraining" me - I don't get it - I hadn't touched him & why would I - I am a bitch & I am a verbal fighter but I don't put my hands on people

It really sucks that I can come up with so many reasons of why this situation could happen.

I went over there early this evening - we ordered pizza & watched a movie!!! OMG!!! (he thinks movies are a waste of time)

When I first got there he was doing something downstairs so I walked upstairs & ordered dinner - I went to use the bathroom & on the bed was Violet(the blythe doll I wanted)! I ran out of the room & sat on the couch really fast! I didn't want to take away from him giving her to me

So then we did it ... I couldn't resist - I have been holding off for days - I even was annoyed that the night this all happened that I hadn't gotten some beforehand! I typically have NO libido whatsoever but since my med changes it is flying HIGH!!! We were in the living room so when we were done I made sure not to look to my right when I went in the room to go to the bathroom (he was probably like "she didn't see it ?!?!" heehee then while I was doing my thing out of the corner of my eye I saw him cover her up with a towel - when I went to walk out of the room he attempted to "TADA" me with her but I was going to quick so I wouldn't see her that I missed it

I got dressed & was on the floor checking something online & he was scooting her box up to me all creepy like!! I turned & was like AHH damn these things are a bit creepy!! :p

He did play some video games why I took a ton of shitty pics of her with my phone!

We settled in & watched the movie till about 20 mins were left & I decided we needed to do it again :)

He isn't a big sex fiend or anything - after the 1st time I told him we would be doing it every hour on the hour - I was giving him shit for not holding up to it!

His friend stopped by & hung out for a bit - I felt kind of stupid sitting there knowing this guy knows some shit went down & I am still sitting here - I started looking at apartments online & b ended up moving from next to me to down on the floor - I don't think he liked what he was seeing

I was close to leaving but he disappeared (he was downstairs packing his lunch) so I was just kind of waiting

He came back upstairs & ... well ... I went for a 3rd time - afterwards I was like ok gotta go (not like wham bam thank ya mam) he asked me why - I told him I had to feed my dog & take my meds - he whimpered a bit & I came home (I knew I could have given lila some of cash's food & I also had my meds with me)

Im supposed to talk to him tomorrow (well today) - he has to work at 7am & he is hoping he hasn't lost his job because he hasn't talked to anyone just left messages about not being able to come in

He told one of his friends he might hang out with them tomorrow night so I don't know if we will hang out or not

I don't know what I think about all this - it seems like he thinks "restraining" me was necessary & that makes no sense to me at all!

I know that I will need to go to court when he has to go for sentencing - I am going to write what I am going to say beforehand - I know I am going to suggest anger management classes & I am going to explain what a stressful situation we have been living in

I don't want to give him the benefit of the doubt but in so many ways I guess I can't blame him - with all my med changes & all the different people I have been during it - he told me he saw a demon in my eyes - that he saw my evil twin - all I could say was "well I am a gemini"

It is all starting to blur together & I don't know anymore *sigh*

I see my therapist tomorrow

meds -
600mg lithium
300mg seroquel
1mg klonopin
pre-menstrual