a biz posting

I was really proud of myself today - I rode my bike all by myself a decent ways away from home - it was super crazy hot but i did it!

I was getting a bit anxious but I have gotten in the habit of asking myself "whats the worst thing that could happen" then I answer to myself "I could die" then I am able to press on

Last night B got me out for a walk after I had already walked the dogs yesterday so I got in double the exercise I normally would get! The walk last night was difficult I was tired & full - it was hot & muggy out - I seem to do better when I am with myself too - If it wasn't for my dog dragging me some of the way I think I would have turned around a block from the house

Most of the time I am panicky when I am going away from home - last night we were just circling around to walk back home which to me seemed so much farther away than just turning around & walking the same distance it was just towards the familiarity that I could see

I also did sit ups last night & tonight - I plan to keep it up - I am starting small - did like 20 last night 20 tonight - little at a time - I don't want to be in mass pain or I won't want to do more!

I don't know where my time is going - I feel like I accomplish so much but I don't think I do really - I don't know where my time goes - I get so distracted & bounce all over the place - I am going to be keeping an I on this - I do know I refresh some of my internet account pages too much

Wow lots of interesting things have happened the past 2 days - I started making smoothies! They are always good but I didn't ever image they could be so easy to make!

My sister got a personal blender & said it was awesome - you don't make a huge 42 oz drink that you don't know what to do with after you drink 8 of them!

I picked one up over the weekend & gave it a whirl yesterday - SO AWESOME! Some juice 1/2 a banana some frozen berry fruit mix then blend! Unlock the cup & off you go! Did I mention it was awesome?

I made one yesterday & was very happy/proud - today I got up let the dogs out for their morning pee & made a smoothie in like 5 minutes - right when the dogs were done & ready to eat! LOVED IT!

Usually I wander around the kitchen not knowing what to eat & end up starving 5 hours later! I picked up some protein powder to add to them so it is more filling like a meal.

Yesterday I had some chick freak out at me about me giving a shit - I know it is her own personal issue that she is obviously going through but I felt really crushed - I go out of my way all the time for other people - I love to help people- if I can help I will - I don't ever feel like it is appreciated - when do I get someone who gives a shit

I don't see anyone going out of their way to help me find a place to live a job do taxes figure out a pay off your debt plan or look up what I want on ebay

It isn't that doing these things bothers me = its peoples responses to the gifts - I guess I am expecting people to be more appreciative of what I do for them but dammit when do I get mine!

maybe that is the whole problem to begin with

feelings of today: able to cry at the drop of a hat - fat - abused - lost

I still just want a cool chick friend who doesn't live in another country to hang with

I think I try too hard - I get so excited about spending time with chicks that I know we can bond & be good cool friends & they tend to turn out to be duds - it goes as close as the chick next door who is over obsessed with her bf that she doesn't hang out

someday someday someday
so many things so many things